Monday, December 30, 2013

Top Reports for 2013

Did you reach your goals for 2013?

Never stop trying to get the things you want because you never know what you might accomplish along the way. This brings me to our top five reports of 2013.

Let us all strive for the best and look to the new year not as the inevitable, but rather as a new book who's ending can only be written by us.

Agent 101, reporting from the Udder Side.

Monday, December 23, 2013

The Farmer Got Run Over By A Reindeer

cow tree presents
Dairy Cow Christmas
We're all excited about Christmas and Santa Claus coming. We've got our tree ready and the presents are wrapped. A few of the girls came up with a new holiday tune to share with you!

He'd been eating too much ice cream,
But he said it was time to go.
He put on his big galoshes
And headed to the barn out into the snow.

When we found him Christmas morning,
At the barn where he was attacked,
There was a note attached to his forehead
"Next time leave more milk, or we'll be back!"

The Farmer got run over by a reindeer
Going out to milk on Christmas Eve.
You can say there's no such thing as Santa,
But all the cows and calves do believe.

Agent 101 reporting from the Udder Side, and reminding you to remember the reason for the season, and that it is better to give than receive, especially if what you get really stinks.

Monday, December 16, 2013

Tongue Your Nose At Animal Cruelty

 Do we put up with animal cruelty on the Udder Side?

I hope that answers your question! Now, sometimes The Farmer is not "nice" to dairy cows, but that doesn't mean he isn't doing something in our best interest. The problem is that in the news and on the Internet there are stories about isolated cases of animal cruelty that are sensationalized and made out to be the norm.

We think it is time to give farmers some credit for doing their jobs right. We're not talking about going the extra mile; we're just talking about the day in and day out work that farmers do to take care of us animals everyday.

Today we are celebrating The Farmer's Wifee for taking care of one of her cows.

Post by The Farmer's Wifee.

Agent 101, reporting from the Udder Side.

Friday, December 13, 2013

Dairy Dynasty Week: Day 5 The Video

The most important thing we want to get across during Dairy Dynasty Week is that we're cows and we make milk. That's our job and we like doing it.

Agent 101, celebrating Dairy Dynasty Week on the Udder Side.

Thursday, December 12, 2013

Dairy Dynasty Week: Day 4

Sometimes we cows are very opinionated. But maybe sometimes we're right!

Agent 101, celebrating Dairy Dynasty Week on the Udder Side.

Wednesday, December 11, 2013

Dairy Dynasty Week: Day 3

What do cows do on a dairy farm? Let me sum it up with a photo story!

dairy dynasty duck dynasty

Agent 101, celebrating Dairy Dynasty Week on the Udder Side.

Tuesday, December 10, 2013

Dairy Dynasty Week:Day 2

With nine, I said nine essential nutrients, you just can't go wrong with milk!

Agent 101, celebrating Dairy Dynasty Week on the Udder Side.

Monday, December 9, 2013

The Beginning of The Dairy Dynasty

First there was the Ming Dynasty

ming the merciless
Ming (The Merciless) Dynasty

Then there was the Dynasty Dynasty

dynasty tv
Then the short lived Chang Dynasty

Chang (Community) Dynasty
Most recently there has been the Duck Dynasty

si willie
Duck Dynasty
I think sociologist will look back on these dynasties and realize that there has been a slow progression from pure evil to mostly good. However, the good has been with little merit or substantial lasting power besides a few duck calls. 

I believe the world is ready for something good. Something real and wholesome. Nutritious and delicious. Something that can change lives for the better. With that in mind I give you:

Dairy Dynasty

A new dynasty, that keeps it real with nothing fake or artificial like margarine. Dairy cows on a farm doing cow things. Dairy cows getting it done as only they can. And starting a dairy dynasty. In fact lets make it Dairy Dynasty Week on the Udder Side. Stay tuned for a new photo each day to celebrate!

Agent 101, reporting from the Udder Side.

Monday, November 25, 2013

Thank A Dairy Cow

thanksgiving thankafarmer thankadairycow
Yes, we should all be thankful. From the joy of the heated seats in your car to the smile on your children's faces when you fluff their pillows each night we are thankful (and that proves I do read your 30 Days of Thankful Facebook posts). But what should you really be thankful for???

We have many things to be thankful for on this Thanksgiving. Some say you should thank a farmer for all your good food with food thanks, but I have to remind you that behind every successful farmer stands a very good cow. I ask why not thank a dairy cow?

How about
  • Tall glasses of milk
  • Butter for your bread
  • Cheese to make your dishes extra tasty
  • Real dairy creamer for your coffee
  • Ice cream Ice cream Ice cream
  • And whipped cream on your pumpkin pie
How can you show your gratitude towards me? That's so easy, but don't wait until the last minute. Go out and buy some dairy products today!

dairy cows buy milk now

Agent 101, reporting from the Udder Side.

Monday, November 18, 2013

Milk For Skin and Beauty

The Farmer's wife hosted a makeup party Friday night and, you guessed, we were conveniently left off the guest list. Seriously? A farmer's wife doesn't invite the cows to a party for girls? Did she think we couldn't eat finger foods nicely? Did she think we were not potty trained and would leave, ahem, presents, on the floor in the house? Well, well, well.

Who needs makeup, anyway, when you look this good au naturel.

Supper time.

How do we get to be looking so pretty, you ask? Why bless your heart, honey, you know it has to be the milk! If you don't believe me you need to read Uses For Milk: 11 Nifty Ways To Lifehack Dairy. You'll find milk can do more than make for strong teeth and bones. It can also:
  • Be a facial mask
  • Sooth itchy skin or sunburn
  • Be a hand cleaner
  • Remove makeup
And those are just some of the wonderful ways you can use our delicious milk for your skin and beauty needs. Do the dairy and be naturally beautiful!

Agent 468, reporting from the Udder Side.

Monday, November 11, 2013

Happy Movember Dairy, Farmers!

Oh, farmers, I am always thankful, especially in this month of thanks, for the way you care for me. You feed me a balanced ration, make sure my vaccinations are up to date, and care for me when I'm sick. I also know you are glad when the veterinarian comes to do rectal palpations on me for herd health.

palpating a cow
Ryan Goodman practicing palpating a cow

Well, well, well. It looks like the rubber glove is on the other hoof today.

Today I am reminding you that it is Movember dairy. Isn't it time for your herd health? November is men's health month. Let's talk about prostate cancer which is a very manly topic.

Did you know:

  • Prostate cancer is the most common cancer among men, excluding skin cancer.
  • It is the second leading cause of cancer death in men.
  • A man is 35% more likely to be diagnosed with prostate cancer than a woman is to be diagnosed with breast cancer.
  • More than 90% of all prostate cancers are discovered confined to or nearby the prostate. Men with prostate tumors diagnosed at these stages have a five year survival rate of nearly 100%.

Like them or hate them, Matt Lauer and Al Roker are getting prostate exams live on the Today show. Farmers you don't have to go to that extreme. Trust me, not even the cows want to see it. However, go see your doctor, get a check up, eat healthy (milk is an awesome drink, by the way!), and make it a habit. 

Learn more about Movember Dairy and like them on Facebook!

Agent 101, reporting from the Udder Side.

Tuesday, November 5, 2013

Facebook Farmer VS Google Circle Cows

So, The Farmer decided he was "important" enough that he needed a Facebook Fan Page.

My thoughts in a song:

You made a Facebook Fan Page about you
You're so vain.....

Where's the Dislike button at?

Courtesy of Sean MacEntee
Hopefully you won't be annoyed by photos of his kids and other boring things or be asked to join Candy Crush or whatever. So go like Farmer Bright's page, but we warned you not to first!

Now, if you want to be really cool then you'll go where the cool cows are and follow the Udder Side cows on Google +. 

Is this a war to see who gets the most followers, us or The Farmer? Let us not say it like that. But, okay, of course we want more than him. So, go follow us NOW!

The Follow Buttons are now on the right side of the page to make easy to do so.

Agent 101, reporting from the Udder Side.

Monday, November 4, 2013

Safety of Raw Milk

When you go to the grocery store does the manager remind you that you take a risk in eating the products you just bought? Are you promised or explained to that the groceries you purchased have magic-like properties or a hidden value that will be beneficial to you?

milk pitcher

Probably not.

Unfortunately, many people are duped into thinking they are getting something a little better when they purchase raw milk. The truth is that pasteurization does nothing to harm the milk and its inherent properties. There's no real scientific data to show otherwise.

Here's some data on raw milk from SUDIA:
Naturally occurring bacteria in raw milk can cause a number of illnesses including tuberculosis, brucellosis, salmonellosis, listeriosis (spontaneous abortions in pregnant women), and food poisoning-like symptoms like diarrhea, stomach cramping and vomiting.  In some cases, sickness can lead to longer-term negative health impacts such as kidney failure, paralysis, chronic disorders and even death.
The USDA and CDC also recommend pasteurization for safety and say the process does not affect the taste or quality of my milk. This isn't to say that everyone that drinks raw milk is going to get sick, but why do so when there is nothing to gain by it? Thus, my point is that there is no need to take any risk by consuming raw milk.

A Tennessee farm that sells raw milk recently had customers become sickened with E. coli.  While we have no idea what, if any, benefits this farm told their customers there were about raw milk, it is sad that those who became sick could have so easily avoided it.

You can buy milk at practically every gas station and grocery store around. It is safe, healthy, nutritious, and completely risk free. What more could you want?

Agent 101, reporting from the Udder Side.

Monday, October 28, 2013

Scary Milk Myths

It doesn't have to be Halloween for some people to try to scare you about about milk. But how scary is it when you turn on the lights to expose the truth? Let us look at a few scary milk myths.

1. Milk is full of antibiotics!

The truth is that no milk can be sold that contains antibiotics. Period. Milk is tested and tested and retested some more to make sure no antibiotics are present. This goes for conventional milk and organic.

2. Drinking milk is linked to early puberty.

The evidence simply is not there. Research shows drinking milk doesn't cause early puberty.....

...and the real reason might be obesity.

3. Milk causes acne.

As we reported recently, milk does not cause acne and actually has some anti-acne traits. Milk is a preventative and contains Vitamins A and D which are important for skin health.

4. Milk doesn't have as much calcium as vegetables.

Milk is a power-packed source of calcium that others can't match in one tasty serving. One serving of milk has 240 mg of Calcium. Broccoli only has 34, beans have 72, almonds 72, and the list goes on. Dairy products are nutrient dense and give you the calcium and Vitamin D you need. 

5. Eating dairy products will make you fat and contribute to heart disease.

Love Heart SVG

Remember, dairy is no trick and more than just a treat. My milk is safe, nutritious, and just plain delicious. Don't be scared; drink your milk, including chocolate milk, the official drink of Halloween

Agent 101, reporting from the Udder Side.

Image Credits:

Monday, October 21, 2013

Milk... According to the Doctor

The Farmer went AWOL. Okay, not exactly AWOL, but he did leave the farm for almost an entire day. He fed us and high tailed it off to a dairy meeting. It would be extremely hard for a secret agent cow to hide inside his car for a two hour trip, so we instead planted a bug on him so that we could listen in to the meeting.

There was a lot of boring talk at the dairy meeting that no one but farmers would enjoy, however one of the speakers really new her stuff. I mean she knew her stuff like white stuffing on oreos, if you know what I mean.

The Doctor Is In

The Doctor, also known as Michelle Dorothy Fiscus MD, was a pediatrician who came to give her take on milk. The short version is that she's a lover of dairy and not a hater. While I can't cite the sources on some facts she gave (the bug only had ears, people) I do want to share them. And more importantly, she was standing by statements made by the American Academy of Pediatrics of which she is highly involved in the Tennessee Chapter. But let me get on with it.
  • Despite rumour to the contrary, milk does not cause acne. In fact studies show that milk contains "anti-acne" properties according to research. 
  • Milk is brain food and is super important for developing brains
  • Raw milk is not worth the risks. In fact there is no scientific proof that there is any difference in the properties of raw milk vs pasteurized milk. Pasteurizing is heating the milk. Heat is safe. 
  • Organic milk is safe. Just as safe as conventional milk. There is no difference but the price so spend your money how you like.
One of the most important statements she made was explaining the difference between search and research. Google is the epitome of search. Research is a science based process of proving facts. Trust research more than Google.

Agent 277, reporting from the Udder Side

Monday, October 7, 2013

This Is Not a Factory Farm

Somebody sent this video to The Farmer (on a post about potty training of all things!)

Mississippi Milk from Barefoot Workshops on Vimeo.

Is this factory farming? Is it a factory farm? He works, like us cows, at a business facility manufacturing a product, milk, for sale to consumers. Could you not describe Ford Motor Company the same way?

He and his family are obviously an awesome example of the American entrepreneurial spirit. Man sees a need and creates a business to fill that need. How could anyone have anything but well wishes and support for this man and his family?

Is it a model for the entire dairy industry? Should "factory farms" be outlawed as a commenter suggested in a previous report and farms only of 8-12 cows be allowed? No, obviously that is a terrible idea. This dairy is well serving a niche market, but how could farm operations of this size meet demand for milk and all other dairy products? As I have said before, there is room for all sizes in the market.

As a cow, I still ask what is factory farming? At what size then does a farm incur "factory" status? The farm I'm on is ten times bigger than the one in the video. Ten times! Do I then reside on a factory farm? Is fifty okay, but fifty-one cows too many? Is five hundred cows okay, but five hundred and one too many?

Is factory farming defined by meanness to animals? The commenter was aghast at violence against animals and rightfully so. Is it only big farms that are mean to the animals on them? Could you not have five animals and still be cruel to them? One bad apple can spoil the lot, so why then are all farms punished for the sins of the few? Ask a mother, like me and my calves, which offspring she has the most love for. She would respond that she loves them all no matter how many calves, or babies, she has. How so are farmers like this toward their animals. They all have value.

Are there bad farms? Yes, unfortunately there are and there are also bad people, but I hope the entire human race is not condemned for the actions of the few. Factory farm is a generic term tossed around that is all about emotion just as in the Chipotle video I wrote about it. People should not allow emotions to be the basis of all of their opinions when the actual facts of the matter tell a completely different story. Read about CAFO: "The Auschwitz of Livestock?" by Holly Spangler to find out how the facts outweighed an emotional appeal to sway one group of moms.

Agent 101, reporting from the Udder Side.

Monday, September 30, 2013

Don't Be Short! Drink More Milk!

Great News by FarmerBright1 on GoAnimate

Directly related to how much milk their mothers drank; well, what about that!

I did more research and found this is awesome news because nobody likes short people. I based my information on this fact-filled documentary I found on YouTube.

The only benefit the height challenged have is being the last to get rained on! Go ask a Jersey if you don't believe me. Holsteins rule and Jerseys drool.

The bottom line is that my milk has been once again been scientifically proven to be totally awesome! There is no excuse to not do dairy daily no matter who you are, how old you are, or how tall you are!

Agent 285, reporting from the Udder Side.

Monday, September 23, 2013

This Must Be A Factory Farm

Honestly, I never knew I lived on a factory farm. In 1920 there were an estimated nine dairy cows on a farm.  I mean literally a person who had lost a finger could still count the number of dairy cows per farm with two hands. I guess this is just the way the Scarecrow in the Chipotle video would have started. I mean, of course, if he actually had dairy cows.

There were many comments on my letter to Chipotle decrying so-called "factory farms." Obviously someone who hates farmers in general came up with that phrase, but lets think about it for a moment.

Why Do Farms Grow?

There are many reasons for a farm to grow. "Dad (or Mom, Uncle, etc), I'd like to farm with you" is the beginning of some farm's expansion. If a new family member joins the farm how will the farm pay them? These farms expand with more animals in order to be able to add that new member. Imagine this happening over multiple generations. I think this helps explain why over 97% of farms are family farms.

Decreasing margins have also caused many farms to grow. The biggest expenses for farms are feed, fuel, and fertilizer. The prices of these items have increased exponentially in the last twenty years. The price of milk paid to The Farmer, for example, has remained fairly constant over the same time period, especially when compared to the growth of the others. Adding more animals to the operations is a solution to keep the farm going.


Greed was often cited in the comments of my Letter To Chipotle. I pointed out in the previous post about how the Scarecrow was a capitalist, a businessman. He can work hard, sell his product, and expand. At what point of building his business, opening more stores, and selling to more people does he become greedy? Is success evil? If you are good at something, if you are a productive member of society, when should you stop being productive at the risk of being called greedy? As a cow watching this video about a scarecrow being saddened about big business and starting his own, I can't help but wonder if he thinks that a national chain like Chipotle is greedy and bad, too.

Factories Are Bad

Here's another thing I have yet to figure out and that is why are factories bad? I'm not sure The Farmer could manage one of those jobs solely based on the fact that he doesn't like to tuck in his shirt. Two actual factories in The Farmer's area closed down in the last year and they were a great loss for the communities.
Factories provide honest jobs for honest people.

What about farms? The economic impact of one cow is more than $15,000, which is even more so in some areas. Farms provide jobs on site as well create a demand for local jobs. Farm suppliers, feed sources, building material, trucking, and many others benefit from farms of all sizes.

Regardless of all of this, I am a cow that is not on the farm of your grandparents or great grandparents. I live on a farm in the 21st century. The current average herd size of a dairy farm is 115 cows and the overwhelming majority have less than a hundred cows. That's still ten times larger than a farm from one hundred years ago. Am I a factory cow? I still don't know what that means. I do know that I am well cared for and I believe the same can be said at other farms no matter the size.

I'll let you ruminate on that because I've got to go. I'm next in line to be milked!

Agent 101, reporting from the Udder Side.

Monday, September 16, 2013

A Letter From The Cows To Chipotle

Dear Chipotle,

I was deeply disappointed after watching your Scarecrow video that misrepresented modern agriculture practices. Pandering a 1984-esque post dystopian nightmare of farming to the ill informed is not how food should be marketed. Of all the gross misconceptions shown in the video the ones of dairy cows offended me, a cow, the most. I have never been in a metal box and unable to move. Honey, if you even think you could get me in one I'd like to see you try! 

As far as cows riding on conveyor belts that is not a nightmare that is a dream.  I can imagine The Farmer having conveyors we could take from the barn to the pasture or even a green field for us to graze on. I also don't think you thought out the conclusion to your scifi story. The scarecrow, being the good capitalist that he is, starts a small business. As it grows, perhaps as Chipotle itself has grown, he will use new methods that maintain sustainability in order to meet his demand. Others might view these as industrial practices and vilify him as only replacing those he sought to stop in the first place. Welcome to my world! 

Some might view me, even as only one of a hundred cows, as being on a "factory farm" as described in the video. The truth is that we cows need the same amount of care no matter the scale of the farming operation. If I am well cared for then I will be productive. This is the first truth every farmer must learn. Cows, and animals in general, that are treated the way those in the video proposes could not exist on a real farm. That must be why you made a cartoon!

What is disturbing is how you are marketing your food by putting down modern agriculture and making it look evil. Farmers have innovated with new ideas like many other businesses. You don't expect a banker to continue using a paper ledger to compute figures, do you? Then neither should you expect farmers to remain stagnant. Research by companies, universities, and extension have not only allowed farmers to be more productive, they have also allowed farmers to provide better care of their animals (very important to me!), and be more environmentally friendly so they can continue to pass their farm to the next generation. That's sustainability!

The market is actually big enough for farms of all sizes and production practices. There is no reason to denigrate one over the other. Our milk is marketed as wholesome and nutritious and it just tastes delicious, even if i do say so myself. That's how you do it! If you have a better product then tell it and sell it, but please don't misrepresent everyone else in order to make a profit.


Agent 101 from the Udder Side.

P.S. I think more dairy in your menu is a great way to improve sales. Cheese is always a winner!

P.P.S. I had to continue my thoughts on Chipotle and factory farms here.

Sunday, September 8, 2013

iPhone 5C Is For Cows

Despite what fandroids might say about how the geniuses at Cupertino have lost touch without Steve Jobs, I'm here to tell you how Apple is going to revolutionize the smartphone market. Again.

The C in in the forthcoming iPhone 5C stands for Cows! Not color, cheap, or crap, but COWS! That's right, Apple will be the first smartphone maker to market their phone directly to cows, which is a huge untapped market. When even more than half of farmers have smartphones, going after the bovine market only makes sense.

Our first clue to Apple's new plan was iOS 7. Apple made it flat. "Who cares," said many tech journalists, but to a cow this is a really big deal. The previous iterations made it hard for us to see because cows have very poor depth perception. Farmers have to build their facilities around that fact so that we can make our way our easier. The new flat design of iOS was designed just for cows.

We then found out that Siri was getting new languages. Yes, that's right, Siri has been demonstrated to speak French, and we also believe that Siri will be able to hear and speak Moo. Obviously it is hard to manipulate a smartphone with hooves like ours, and that is why voice recognition is so important.

Last, and most important, I would like to present you with the newest leaked iPhone 5C photo as evidence the 5C is for cows.

iPhone 5C The iPhone for Cows

What practical things can we do with our new iPhone? Too bad The Farmer's milk co-op doesn't have an app yet, but we can log on to the website often now and check our milk quality. One thing we're really looking forward to is having the weather radar map at our hooftips. Looks like it might rain, girls, so lets walk on into the barn before it gets here. We're also thinking we could use one of those cool trackable Tiles to put on The Farmer so we know where he is at all times. And I totally promise I will not abuse it and become a complete social media cow and post every time I chew my cud.

dairy cow iphone line
Dairy Cow In Line For The iPhone
If you see any cows standing in line outside the Apple Store in the mall you'll know why we're there. I'm also pretty sure The Farmer is looking forward to getting his hands on an iPhone, too. 

Agent 467, reporting from the Udder Side.

Tuesday, September 3, 2013

National Read A Book Day on September 6

September 6 is National Read a Book Day. Now don't get all excited and start complaining about how you can't read an entire book in one day! Listen, it is okay to cheat a little. Go ahead and get started today so you can finish on the sixth and then you can brag to your friends how you read and finished a book on National Read a Book Day!

What to read? Truly, this is not a problem for you because we came prepared.

Not bad. Fast reading. ***

Free, 42 pages long, pretty well edited. Interesting. ***

This was a good story and was worth reading. Plus it was it was free. Who can beat that? ****

Those are some of the reviews for The Farmer's book, No Signal, from readers at Barnes and Noble. We thought it was okay, and you can read our review, too.

You can also find it available at Amazon, Smashwords, and about anywhere you can get an e-book. We think he finally has a title for the sequel. He has it labeled as "Lucky Spaces."

Of course, if you're looking for something shorter, you could always get The Farmer's Counting Cows picture book. Learn your numbers from one to five while looking at pictures of cows and calves. Hmmm... maybe I need a refresher on that. Practice makes perfect.

Agent 101, reporting from the Udder Side, and turning on my Kindle.

Monday, August 26, 2013

#FlatRyan Learns About Antibiotics In Milk

We caught The Farmer playing with a paper doll. I mean we saw him using crayons and scissors like a kindergartner. And then he brought the paper doll with him to the dairy farm.

#FlatRyan and the dairy cows
Then The Farmer and the paper doll he called Flat Ryan put together this video about antibiotics in milk. Make sure you watch it to the end!

There are times when antibiotics are needed on a dairy farm such as when a cow like me, or a calf, gets sick. However, The Farmer goes to great lengths to make sure no milk with antibiotics leaves the farm because that milk can never be sold. Period.

As it turn out The Farmer is participating in The Ag Proud Adventures of Flat Ryan. The purpose of taking a paper version of Ryan Goodman around is to share farm facts like the kind you can find at Agriculture Proud. Be sure and check that blog out and then download your own Flat Ryan to color, cut out, and take on an adventure! Follow the adventures with the hashtag #flatryan and learn more agriculture facts!

Agent 101, reporting from the Udder Side, and hoping The Farmer is finished playing with paper dolls.

Monday, August 19, 2013

Legendairy Cow

So the Australian dairymen came up with a dairy video.....

There is so much wrong with this video, like where is the cow for instance? (Farmers are always forgetting the cow!) Hmmm... Let us assume the premise of it is right. What did the girl leave out?

  • Waste Manager
  • Farm Information Technician
  • Quality Control Manager
  • Safety Patroller
  • Nutritionist
  • Engineer (not the train kind)
  • Carpenter
  • And a dairy farmer could be a she
Farmers wear many hats and if you think I'm a little too picky picky, then yes you may be right about that. But I also don't believe the premise is right about the dairy farmer being legendairy. Who is the most important part of everything? That's right!

Agent 465, reporting from the Udder Side.

Monday, August 12, 2013

Mutant Corn and The X-Cows

When I saw The Farmer's corn this year I became very excited. Maybe it was my imagination or maybe it was some kind of latent psychic powers, but I knew what was going to happen when I saw The Farmer was going to plant GMO corn.

 The reason The Farmer plants Roundup Ready corn is because it is a safe and easy way to control weeds in the corn field. After the corn was planted and began growing well the field was sprayed over the top with the herbicide Roundup. The grass and weeds that would have crowded out the corn and stolen the nutrients from the fertilizer are now gone. 
You can see how there is nothing growing on the edge of the field in the photo. This corn saved him more inputs and allowed for the same size crop.

But lets get back to the part I'm excited about: the genetically modified, aka mutant, corn. I realized that by eating it I would change, I would change fundamentally from my DNA and up. I could have fantastic powers like my heroes in the X-Men
wolvie cow cyclo cow
And I promise that I will only use my new found abilities to fight tyranny, injustice, and hunger with one glass of milk at a time!

Science Fiction Vs Science Fact

It turns out that my ideas are about as real as a Sharknado.

Is this corn safe for me and people? According to one science guy friend of the fantastic JP, in her post G is for GMO, it is anything but dangerous.
Here is an example that probably everyone can understand – the gene that gets inserted into Roundup Ready plants is a petunia gene, because they are naturally resistant to Roundup. So, they essentially are taking a desirable element from an innocuous plant (our lovely petunia plant) and insert that ‘piece’ into crops. It is like adding walnuts into brownies – brownies are great by itself, but are fabulous with the walnuts or pecans!
Petunias? Seriously?

 Then I found that Michael Eisen, a biologist at UC Berkeley and an Investigator of the Howard Hughes Medical Institute, also wrote that

...Roundup Ready crops, which produce no new proteins not found prior to genetic manipulation,  shouldn’t really be places in the same class of GMOs....

....And there is absolutely no reason to expect that there are any health risks associated with eating the altered form of EPSPS found in glyphosate resistant transgenic plants....

The take home message is I will not be turning into a mutant super hero by eating this corn. It actually looks and tastes just like any other corn I've ever had. It has no ill effects toward man or cow. Totally safe unless you're a weed in the corn field. Think of it as having the same effect as Kryptonite would on Magneto. Nothing. Zilch. Nada. Zero.

Bummer, right? But wiill this stop me from becoming a super hero cow? Not on your life! Batman and Robin got by without powers. Iron Man, no powers. The Black Widow and Hawkeye also had no powers.

Lookout world, here I come! I mean as soon as I can finish making a decent costume and find a good superhero name! Suggestions are welcome, please.

Agent 279, reporting from the Udder Side.

Monday, August 5, 2013

Secret Dairy Farm Footage (So Boring)

You might say that was a boring video about boring farms. Many people might agree with you.

National Geographic recently ran an episode called Inside Secret America and showed videos of cruelty to animals. Of course they wanted the viewers to assume that all animals are mistreated. If you are a major network and air the video above nobody is going to watch it. You need something sensational not boring. You have to show something out of the ordinary to get attention.

We have never been mistreated like this on The Farmer's farm and we believe that animals are well treated in all but very rare cases. Making sure we our healthy and well cared for is The Farmer's number one priority because his livelihood depends on me. I suspect other farmers feel the same way.

All of this is more poignant to me because I could have been the focus of one of those stories yesterday. I fell down. No, that isn't true. I was knocked down; I was bullied by another cow and I fell. I tried to get up on my own, but the wind was knocked out of me by the fall and I was more nervous than I cared to admit and simply could not get up. I looked like one of those downer cows the news media like to show. I could imagine the host asking if I had mad cow disease and how many hours I had been laying there. How shameful I would have felt if that had been said of me.

Nothing could be further than the truth.The Milkman heard me fall and immediately called for help. The Farmer arrived moments later to my aid. It is a bit of a struggle to move a more than a thousand pound animal; I'm no small calf anymore, but The Farmer and The Milkman took great care in their work. Again had a camera recorded a snapshot of this would it be contrived as abuse? I would hope not because they were helping me do what I could not on my own.

They put me on a level spot in a grassy field and The Farmer brought me some hay and grain. He watched me eat for a bit and examined me the best he could for further injury. Finding none he eventually called me to get up and patted me on the back. I hesitated, took a deep breath, and slowly climbed to my hooves. My legs were sore, my pride was wounded, and yet I could stand. The Farmer continued watching me, but I paid him no mind and polished off the feed and got a drink from the nearby water tank.

There were no cameras or reporters there to document what happened so you have only the word of a cow to take as the truth. Maybe The Farmer should have taken photos, but I was glad he had his entire focus on my at the time. Were he and The Milkman heroes? I don't know, but they sure helped me out. I imagine they would just say they were only doing their job. What a boring answer.

Boring doesn't make the headlines of the news and it doesn't get attention on television.  And if doing a good job and taking care of animals is boring then I, as a dairy cow, don't want The Farmer to change.

Agent 277, reporting from the Udder Side.

Monday, July 29, 2013

National Cheese Sacrifice Purchase Day

I know you're wondering what National Cheese Sacrifice Purchase Day is all about. It is not about throwing a block of delicious cheese into the red, burning hot lava of an erupting volcano to save the planet.

National Cheese Sacrifice Purchase Day is about saving your house from mice. You are supposed to buy some cheese today and "sacrifice" it by putting it on a mouse trap to rid your house of any mice.

Seriously, why not buy a cat? That's how The Farmer deals with them at the barn and at home.

If you insist of sacrificing cheese today then I have a great suggestion. Keeping with the theme of cats and mice brings Garfield to mind and with that I must tell you that July 29th is Lasagna Day! Layers and layers of tasty cheese and pasta. I can't think of anything I would want my milk turned into more than cheese today!

Buy cheese, sacrifice cheese, eat cheese! Make today cheeserific!

Agent 165, reporting form the Udder Side.

Monday, July 22, 2013

Khan's Revenge Ice Cream Recipe

July is National Ice Cream month and if you are sad that you have not celebrated then you are not alone, but don't let it eat you up inside like some people.

Some of us sneaked out to a pasture that overlooks the drive in and caught the new Star Trek Into Darkness film. We still like the real Khan best.

So, it got us thinking about what type of ice cream Khan would eat? Pe-Khan ice cream?

 Pe-Khan's Revenge Ice Cream Recipe

  • 2 Cups of Toasted Pecans
  • 2 Cups of Heavy Cream
  • 3 Tablespoons of Melted Butter
  • 14 oz Sweetened Condensed Milk
  • 1 Teaspoon of Maple Extract
  • In a large bowl whip cream. Whip it! Whip it! Whip it good!
  • Mix the sweetened condensed milk, butter, maple extract and Pe-Khan's in a big bowl. Fold in whipped cream.
  • Pour contents into a 2 quart container and cover it. Put in the freezer and watch Star Trek II at least three times while you wait (at least six hours).
One important note: Beware eating Pe-Khan's Revenge Ice Cream too fast or else you may endure the worst brain freeze ever that will leave you screaming.....

Agent 245, reporting from the Udder Side.

Monday, July 15, 2013

Save Your Teeth With Milk!

We know everyone wants a sparkling white smile!

The real question is how can you keep your beautiful chompers with the least amount of work? How about you just drink a glass of milk! Yes, it turns out that nature's most perfect is food can help your teeth in more ways than you thought. Sure there's lots of information proving that my milk is great for building strong teeth, but it can also protect them according to a study reporting in the Daily Mail:
‘Eating dairy products in combination with other sugary snacks or at the end of a meal may be an effective means of caries prevention.’

Caries, by the way, is another way of describing tooth decay or cavities. Don't worry, I had to look it up, too. Anyway the researchers found that milk helped stop plaque from producing the acids that destroy your teeth better than water or juices. So when you're eating candies, sweets, or anything else drinking a little milk can prevent your teeth from rotting away! See why milk has earned the name of nature's most perfect food?

Go ahead and drink that glass of milk and continue to smile that beautiful smile!

Agent 277, reporting from the Udder Side.

Thursday, July 4, 2013

Ruminating on the Fourth of July

In America (Almost) Anything is Possible

The land of plenty. The land of opportunity. The land of milk and honey. As American as apple pie and milk. Are you sensing a trend here? 

While I may have been unsuccessful in my bid to become the first cow president of the United States of America, I am not a failure.  I am a milk maker (you like dairy products like ice cream, right?), a job creator (The Farmer depends on me and the processor and deliveryman, and everyone else from me to you, you dairy lover, you), and, as the song goes, I am American Beautiful

As a dairy cow I have the chance to become the best cow in the herd by my actions. I can eat well, produce more milk, and keep a good attitude about me. I have the potential in me. There is nothing stopping me, but me. 

Our country's founding father's were inspired by the twin flames of liberty and independence. Let their spark ignite you and burn the chains of stagnation and apathy that hold you back. May you be the cow that runs for president. May you be the person that strives for more. May you be the one that changes the world.

Agent 465 (aka Shirley Cow), wishing you the best on July 4th.

Monday, July 1, 2013

Robert Plant Dishes Ice Cream

You never know who you're going to run into when you're visiting ice cream parlors and working on your ice cream bucket list. I couldn't believe it when I ran into Robert Plant, the Golden God, the former singer from Led Zeppelin, the solo star, the...hey, even cows get star struck, okay?

Luckily for me I wasn't too embarrassed and asked for an interview.

Me: Mr. Plant, have you always liked milk and ice cream?
Robert: Call me Robert, please. Oh, yeah. Love me some dairy, you know? Back in the day when we were starving we actually nicked milk from people's houses before they got up. I also love milk with my tea.
Me: So you're a big fan of ice cream, right? What's your favorite flavor?
Robert: I had some fine homemade pistachio ice cream not too long ago that was delicious.
Me: Do any of your songs have anything to do with ice cream?
Robert: (Scratching his beard) Actually several of them do. Over the Hills and Faraway was how I'd describe the trip to the closest ice cream parlor to my house as a child. Black Dog? That was the name of this really decadent chocolate ice cream I had once or twice. Oh, and What is and What Shall Never Be came from an argument I had with a former girlfirend about rice ice cream versus real ice cream. She didn't stay with me very long. How Many More Times was originally called How Many More Scoops, a question that Bonzo asked me when he thought I was going to share a carton of ice cream with him.
Me: Since July is National Ice Cream Month let me ask you a trivia question about ice cream before we finish. How many licks does it take to finish a single scoop of ice cream?
Robert: Jimmy Page is the king of guitar licks and I bet he would know, but I have no idea.
Me: On average it takes about fifty licks to finish one scoop of ice cream.

I'd like to thank Mr. Plant for the interview. I would also like to thank Val, who nominated us for a Liebster Award. Please go check out her blog, Corn, Beans, Pigs and Kids.We were honored earlier this year with it and thought it was very special.

Agent 235, reporting from the Udder Side.

Monday, June 24, 2013

Best Dairy Memory!

Our June Dairy Month Dairy Memory contest has concluded. Who had the best entry? With two fabulous displays of dairyness our judges have had a very hard time. They found them both equally good and found but one solution: saw the chocolate milk flash drive in half so that each could have it.

Fortunately, with wisdom like Solomon, I stepped in with a better plan. But first let us review the entries:

Tammy:  My favorite dairy-inspired memory is from my first (and so far only) trip to a dairy farm. I was 30 and living in another country. It was a long walk away from my home but worth it.

The kind woman who ran the farm realized that visitors want to pet a cow, but most of her ladies wanted nothing to do with all those hands not bringing food. To combat this, she kept on several photogenic and friendly former milkers in a small field where people came in, so they could get that experience. 

The tour was fascinating - seeing the milking machines, hearing about how they made their cheese, and also how much food those ladies eat each day!

It was definitely a memorable experience ... and my favorite part was petting the cows!

Val:  My favorite dairy memory is probably just meeting dairy farmers in college. I grew up in an area with no dairy farms and when I went to college I got to know a lot of dairy science majors and in general became friends with people that grew up on dairy farms. I give props to dairy farmers - it is one of the hardest jobs I know and I love how it is such a family affair!

And I'm a huge fan of ice cream, milk, cottage cheese, string cheese, fresh cheese curds - the list really goes on and on...

These are both fabulous dairy memories and I only want to encourage them to make more. Therefore I am awarding not one chocolate milk flashdrive, but two! Congratulations to Tammy and Val! We will be contacting you soon!

Agent 101, reporting from the Udder Side.

Saturday, June 15, 2013

Favorite Dairy Memory Contest

How would you like to win the secrets of the Udder Side? Fat chance, that! Like we would actually give away our secrets. You can have them when you pull them from our cold, dead hooves. Instead how would you like to win a really cool looking chocolate milk jug usb flashdrive we swiped from The Farmer's desk?

Chocolate Milk USB Drive
It is of unknown capacity and has the cool SUDIA dairy association logo on it from where he got it. I know, you are already antsy and wondering what you have to do to get your hands/hooves on it.

Here's the deal:

It is June Dairy Month and this is a June Dairy Month Contest. So, on the back side of a two ounce cottage cheese lid we'd like you to write a five hundred word essay on your favorite dairy-. On second thought, tell us your favorite dairy memory, you know like a really cool memory that you'd store on a chocolate milk flashdrive. It could be about visiting a dairy farm or how your Grandma always poured chocolate syrup out the metal can into your milk. You could talk about how you shared a decadent chocolate milkshake with two straws with that special someone and how you both sighed and looked deeply into each other's eyes when the glass was empty and the straws made that funny slurping sound. Or you could just say that "I remember that chocolate milk rocks," you know, 'cause it does.

I have a special team of agents that will judge the entries. Spelling is not important. Scratch that, spelling is very important, but we will not penalize you for mistakes. How's that? Okay, a few more rules. Entries must be in by the end of milking time on June 22. The winner will be announced on June 24.

How to enter? Leave a comment below in the comment box. Special bonus points may be awarded to those that tweet the contest using the hashtag #dairymemory. Points will be taken away if you tweet it, like more than a dozen times because that's just annoying, right?

Good luck, happy June Dairy Month, and as a nice lady once said, "do dairy daily".

Agent 101, reporting from the Udder Side.

Monday, June 10, 2013

2013 Bovine Stakes

While horses get most of the glory when it comes to animal racing, there is a more civilized animal you could be watching going down the track. I'm talking about cows, dairy cows like me. As part of the June Dairy Month festivities the first annual Bovine Stakes race was held this weekend.

Palace Malice was no where to be found at this race. The favored dairy cow to win was Better Than Bacon. Other top contenders included Milkaholic, Three-A-Day, and You Go Yogurt. You can watch the complete coverage below.

We're proud of the winner of the 2013 Bovine Stakes! Raise a glass of milk and celebrate! Three cheers for dairy cows! Three cheers for June Dairy Month!

Agent 101, reporting from the Udder Side.

Wednesday, June 5, 2013

Cows Review Farmer's Book No Signal

No Signal

2 1/2 Moo's out of 5

So The Farmer finally published his rural detective book, No Signal, and we took it upon ourselves to review it. The plot is about a dairy farmer that ends up dead and the private investigator that takes the case. Doesn't sound like he had to work real hard to come up with that idea, right? Anyway the case revolves around the question of was it an accidental death or was it.. dum dum dum: murder! Hey, it is a detective/mystery story, what do you expect?

Was it any good? Did I personally like it? As his first short story, or maybe novella considering the length, I'd say it kept my interest. I like farms, I like the country life, and it had both of these. But did it have enough cows? Dairy cows? I really felt shortchanged by the fact that no dairy cow was in a leading role. Seriously, this is 2013 and you think even The Farmer would recognize that we live in a brave new world. A world with dairy cows in serious roles! Maybe in his next book.....

Want to read it? Go to Amazon and have it instantly. Cheapskates can go to Smashwords for a free download for practically any ereader device.

Agent 101, reporting from the Udder Side.