Monday, November 26, 2012

Cyber Cow Monday

It is Cyber Monday and I guess what I'm trying to tell you is not to lean too far into your monitor and get sucked into the Matrix. I know everyone is looking for a steal of a deal even better than the one they got on Black Friday.  But let me tell you the best deal you are going to find today or any other day. 

For only twenty-five cents, that's like a cheap yard sale bargain, you get nine, I say count them, nine essential nutrients in only an eight ounce serving of milk. So, drink up, it'll keep you going while you're doing all that shopping and you'll still have plenty of money left over to buy your Christmas gifts. 

And one more thing....

You drink the white milk, the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You drink the chocolate milk, you stay in Wonderland, and I show you how deep the rabbit hole goes. 

I've always wanted to say that!

Agent 162 (aka Trinity), reporting from the Udder Side.

Monday, November 19, 2012

Dairy Cows Can Avert the Crisis!

The crisis is upon us! An apocalypse worse than anyone, even the Mayans, have dreamed of! The fiscal debt cliff is nothing compared to what is predicted to occur according to the Huffington Post: Arabica beans are doomed to extinction!!!! These beans influence even the domesticated supply of coffee.

Maybe some of you are still wondering what that means. Let me explain in simple words and pictures that your uncaffeinated minds and droopy eyes can understand:


Imagine people falling asleep on the way to work. Productivity comes to a halt. Colleges and the coffee shops around them will be boarded up and closed down. The world as we now know it will be over if these beans are gone.

Now, there is a solution. This is simple, easy, healthy, and delicious:

Add milk to your coffee. Crisis averted!

Adding just a little milk to your cup of joe everyday will stretch the supply of coffee out to the point that the beans will no longer be in danger and you'll be adding all the great nutrition of milk to your favorite drink. 

Don't think of this as saving the coffee, think of this as saving the world. You can be a hero every time you fill up your cup and top it off with milk.

Agent 101, reporting from the Udder Side.

photo credit: jose.jhg via photopin cc

Monday, November 12, 2012

An App For the Udder Side

With all this campaigning for president business going on for the last month it has been hard to keep up with reports from The Farmer. The most interesting thing he has been doing is sowing winter wheat. With the odd fall harvest his empty corn fields have a solid growth of grass on them.

Normally we've seen him work the ground up a little before planting. We heard him talking the other day about how with the season getting late and the rain coming every week he would never get the fields worked up enough to kill the grass and still have time to plant. So this year he elected to have the fields sprayed to kill the grass. This enabled him to no-till plant, that is not work or till the ground up, and spend much less fuel and energy preparing the fields.

The Udder Side App
To keep the agents more aware of what's going on I authorized Agent 451, a cell phone expert, and a few others to purchase smart phones for everyone. My only constraint was that they get me the best one. Then I asked them to create one of those apps for the Udder Side like everyone is always yammering about to help us with our reports. The good news: they did exactly what I asked. The bad news: the best smart phone turns out to be an iPhone and the app was written for their Android phones. They tell me I'll have one soon and I said I wasn't spending so much of our budget so they could sit around and play Jet Pack Joyride! Get it done!

Agent 101, reporting from the Udder Side.


I have now seen the Android App and there is room for improvement. The iPhone version better be worth it when it comes out.

Agent 101

Wednesday, November 7, 2012

Shirley & Norma Thank You For Your Support!

Well, the election is over and if you have not heard our campaign ended up with us coming up a few votes short. While we did not get everything we wanted, I think Norma and I can be proud of effort to reach more people and tell them the value of dairy.

The country may not agree on the election's outcome, but at least we can all sleep well knowing the president and vice president enjoy some dairy for themselves from time to time!

Perhaps Alabama dairyman Will Gilmer said it best:
Team Dairy has been around far longer than this election cycle and will continue to be a force for good regardless of who we elect as President. Team Dairy: providing you and your children with safe, delicious, nutritious food choices for a "dairy good" today and a brighter, healthier tomorrow.

Unfortunately, I do have some bad news to report. Norma has taken ill the last few days. She and I are real cows and real things do happen to us. Here is a statement from her closest adviser, Dairy Carrie: heart and mind is back home. When my plane landed I got news that Norma is very sick and may not make it. 
I wish that all the people who think that dairy farmers don't care about their cows could understand how absolutely heartbreaking this is for me, then maybe they would understand ....
If you wouldn't mind taking a moment to say a prayer or send up good thoughts I sure would appreciate it. Norma may be just a cow but she is my cow and I love her.

My thoughts are with my friend Norma, who is not just #normathebestcowever, but also #normathebestrunningmateever !

Thank you again for all your support in our campaign!


I have received news of Norma's passing to the great pasture field in the sky. Let us not mourn her leaving us, but instead celebrate her life and the love she had of producing high quality milk for everyone. The next time you eat or drink dairy products raise your glass or bowl high as a small thanks to Norma!

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Monday, November 5, 2012

Dairy Cows Campaign To Be President

The last few days have been a whirlwind of campaigning. Norma and I have been out spreading the good word about dairy and why we deserve your vote as cows for the presidency. Being on stage in front of thousands of people is kind of overwhelming.

Our great nation was made by average people with above average ideas and aspirations. They rose above their abilities, their strengths, overcame their weaknesses and made the best better. Ladies and gentleman, cows and bulls, I am an average cow, but like those that have come before me, I have above average ideas!

Speaking of the ones that have come before me, did you know how important dairy has been to U.S. Presidents? None other than the numero uno George Washington was known to love ice cream so much he spent $200 on it in one summer. Money talks and those bills are saying "love." Thomas Jefferson learned to make ice cream while he was in France. Good ole Honest Abe Lincoln had ice cream served at his second inauguration. Milk was the favorite drink of Teddy Roosevelt. Lets imagine Mount Rushmore.....

And I would also be the first dairy cow to, if I chose, graze on the White House lawn since President Taft's two dairy cows did. He loved milk. President's love dairy. Americans love dairy. Norma and I would love your vote!

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Thursday, November 1, 2012

Shirley and Norma For President!

A well-balanced meal includes fruits, veggies, grain, protein, and dairy as suggested by USDA's Choose My Plate. If elected I plan to use a similar approach and surround myself with great advisers so we can improve the health of our country.

I think you should lead by example. My first example of how I will do this is by choosing Norma as my running mate. Surround yourself by the best and you will be the best! Let's make America productive again!