Monday, April 14, 2014

The Phantom Cow

Just when you thought it was safe to go to bed at night the phantom cow is ready to start causing you problems. She roams the roads and country sides, only to be seen under the light of the moon. Some say that like the mermaids singing their siren songs and leading sailors to their doom, the phantom cow moos a sad moo across a field and leaves farmers worrying enough to come looking. Others claim they were driving and the cow suddenly appeared in the road causing them to brake and attempt to avoid her and just before the moment of impact she evaporated into the darkness like fog clearing after a rain. 

Only Known Photo of the Phantom Cow

Many folks have seen a cow out and contacted a farmer to alert him to it, but the farmer knows better. He knows that if he goes and looks he might find one of his own cows in the road. But if he does not, then he knows the ghostly apparition has come to haunt his farm until the moon's cycle ends. 

The Farmer was suspicious that the phantom cow had paid him a visit, however, this time it was only old 222 who had been searching for the supposed greener grass on the other side of the fence. She was real and he brought her back home. Luck was on his side this night. I sure don't want her on our farm.

If you believe that you have the phantom cow visiting your farm or want to prevent her from coming there is only one thing you can do. The story goes that a farmer who had been plagued by the phantom cow had sought out the help of an old gypsy woman. She listened intently as he explained how the bovine spectre brought panic to him and his neighbors. The gypsy was said to have gone outside to speak some kind of ancient language to her own personal milk cow. And most importantly, her cow gave her the answer. 

The gypsy woman went back to her encampment and by the light of the bonfire her friends made she dug through the contents of a wooden trunk. After what seemed like an eternity to the desperate farmer, the gypsy retrieved three items and held them up in the firelight. In her hands were three simple glass goblets.

The gypsy instructed him that he and his family should each drink three servings of dairy a day, and not only would the phantom cow leave, but they would also reap rewards in life so great that others would pronounce them lucky. 

The farmer and his family and neighbors took the gypsy's advice and they never saw the phantom cow again. They also were said to be the healthiest people in the area, but not everyone knew what they did to make it all happen. 

Does the idea of a phantom cow leave you in a panic? On a cold, moon filled night could you resist the call of her moos across the pasture? Are you brave enough to look into an unliving bovine's eyes and find out what's really on the other side?

Take heed, my friends! Take heed! I urge you to follow the gypsy's advice. Do not be wary when you get three servings of dairy! Then you will be more than healthy, wealthy, and wise, because you will survive.

Agent 272, reporting from the Udder Side.

Photo of goblet: By User Ryanrs on en.wikipedia (Copyright Ryan Salsbury 2004.) [GFDL ( or CC-BY-SA-3.0 (], via Wikimedia Commons

Monday, March 31, 2014

Got Milk? Then Give Milk! The Great American Milk Drive

Did you know that Michael Bay directed the very first Got Milk commercial?

We were thinking it would be awesome to have Mr. Bay direct a movie about superhero cows. Hey, he makes great big explosive movies about giant transforming robots, so why not?

The cows would be regular dairy cows by day and crime fighting cows in disguise by night! And obviously I would like to have an on screen cameo if not a full blown starring role. I'm a cow, I make milk, I already know I'm a hero. And the best part would be how the superhero cows would take the reward money they receive and use it to purchase milk for the needy.

In the meantime, we don't have to wait for a movie because we can be the good guys right now. We can all start helping the needy with a new program called The Great American Milk Drive which begins on April 2:

Milk is one of the most asked for nutrition staples at food banks, yet of the 37 million Americans served, less than a gallon of milk goes to each person every year.

The Great American Milk Drive is here to change that – giving Americans a simple way to make a difference and donate milk to help food insecure families in their communities.

Want to be a superhero? You can when you participate in the Great American Milk Drive where you will be able to donate milk to food banks in your local communities. Hey, Michael Bay might make a movie about you. It could happen. So, like, call me, Michael, whenever you have time. You've got my number, right?

Agent 101, reporting from the Udder Side.

Monday, March 24, 2014

Jealous Female Steals Baby (Calf)

We were very excited to have Dairy Dave come do a story on our farm for the local paper. What is better still is how mother and calf are now back together.

Happy Mother and Calf

Agent 101, reporting from the Udder Side.