Friday, September 30, 2011

Neither Confirm Nor Deny

After receiving hundreds of emails I feel compelled to respond before my inbox overloads.  This photo was allegedly taken by David Foster.  Is it real?  Is it photoshopped? Are secret agent cows on his dairy looking at his dairy records in the office?  Or is this possibly just a hungry or curious bovine?  I can neither confirm nor deny what is going on in the photo.

I can say that dairy farmers have many reports in their offices.  There are many cow records including genealogy of their animals, breeding records, milk weights, and more.  Dairy farmers could not get by without keeping track of what goes on on their farm.

Agent 101, reporting from the Udder Side.

Monday, September 26, 2011

Up, Up and Away!

Things are looking better around here every day.  The main reason I'm saying that is because I'm talking about corn.  Corn silage, that is.  The Farmer has started feeding off of one the the silos filled with corn silage.  I can remember what seems like an eternity gone by since I walked between those tall green stalks and now they are all up, up and away in the silo!

I should probably be carrying out my duties and reporting on what else is going on, but I can't get my mind off of this. Now all I can ask The Farmer to do is feed some more. I'm still hungry!

Agent 226, reporting from the Udder Side.

Monday, September 19, 2011

Picture Day On The Farm

Several new calves have been born on farm the past week or so.  One part of management I have observed the farmer perform was taking their pictures.  He then filed the photos away so if the calf ever lost her ear tag she can be easily identified by her spots.

Seeing The Farmer do this reminded me that it is time to take our yearly agent identification photos.  These will include the new magnetic door scanners and radio frequency id's.

When your group is called please lineup in an orderly fashion.  Let's try not to do like last year when everyone came at once and almost stampeded the photographer.

Remember: No silly poses!  Be prepared!  And try, just try, to be yourself!

Agent 101, reporting from the Udder Side.

Monday, September 12, 2011

Handsome Dairy Dave and The Bashful Bulls

The Farmer needs a new radio!
I took an opportunity to inspect The Farmer's tractor today while he was out to lunch.  I could not believe what I found: the out of print cassette of Handsome Dairy Dave and the Bashful Bulls Sing Their Hits Live!  I have tried and tried to find it to no avail even with my secret agent resources.

My mama cow was no secret agent; she was a show cow.  She went to all the state fairs around and I was actually born at one with a whole bunch of people watching.  The first music I ever heard was booming right next to us and it Dairy Dave on his farewell tour.  Wow, we heard him sing at several of the fairs that fall, including his signature song, Ice Cream Again.
Memories. memories.

What is hard to believe is that  Dairy Dave and the Bashful Bulls's opening act is such a big star now and I saw him when, if you know what I mean.  Will Gilmer, The Singing Dairyman, was just getting started back then, spreading the good news about dairy farmers and such. Here's one of my favorite of his videos!

Agent 27, reporting from the Udder Side.

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

A Sample of Perspective

My report is all about perspective.  Ummm, let me back up a bit first, which isn't exactly easy for a 1200 lb four-legged bovine, but I can do it.  I was on barn watch this morning when I saw a car stop.  A man exited the car and put little plastic booties over his shoes so he wouldn't contaminate the farm.  That was when I realized it had to be the inspector coming to look at The Farmer's dairy barn.  I peered around the corner for a closer look and saw that he was only getting a milk sample today.  A milk sample can very very important.

Please don't refer to the cow as my boss, Agent 101

Getting back to perspective and the beautiful photo I provided.  The green bottle on the right is just like the one the inspector used to sample the milk with.  So you could see how big the sample was I included the cow.  For those of you who might think the cow is real, I included the quarter on the left.  If you can't figure out how big a quarter is then obviously you couldn't pass the test to be a secret agent like me.

Anyways, that sample of milk will be checked for antibiotics, bacteria, and for the somatic cell count, which is an indicator of milk quality.  One cow's milk could ruin the entire sample and get The Farmer in a lot of trouble.  You have to understand that the sample was taken out of a great big giant milk tank and one cow, just one cow, could pollute the milk and The Farmer would have to throw it away or even be fined.  They can find out a lot about the milk with a very small sample.  Well, The Farmer has done a pretty good job of keeping his milk in good quality so I don't expect this sample to be bad.  As far as the milk from the cows that are agents: top notch.  My boss, Agent 101, has us do random milk screenings all the time.  Trust me, you don't want to disappoint her.  We call her Beastly Bovine, I mean Best Boss all the time.

Agent 428, reporting from the Udder Side.

Monday, September 5, 2011

Hair Do's and Don'ts

Did you even bother to use a comb?
I've seen a lot of sloppiness the last few days. When I see sloppiness I equate that with poor quality work.  What concerns me even more is that we are due an inspection of this operation by my superiors.  The Farmer is no different in that regard.  He has no warning when the state or federal dairy inspector will come to look at his dairy barn.  Is the milk stored at the right temperature, are the all the milk hoses clean, do the pipelines shine like the sun?  All these and more must be in compliance, and we have rules, too.

Agents, what really brought this on to me is the state of your personal hygiene. Straighten up!  We are not show cows in this operation, but we do have standards.  Cut, comb, or curl your hair!  Whatever it takes to look presentable upon inspection because I believe it is coming soon.
Is this a real cowlick?

Needs a trim!
Passable. Stand in a dark corner.

Agent 101, reporting from the Udder Side.