iPhone 5C Is For Cows

Despite what fandroids might say about how the geniuses at Cupertino have lost touch without Steve Jobs, I'm here to tell you how Apple is going to revolutionize the smartphone market. Again.

The C in in the forthcoming iPhone 5C stands for Cows! Not color, cheap, or crap, but COWS! That's right, Apple will be the first smartphone maker to market their phone directly to cows, which is a huge untapped market. When even more than half of farmers have smartphones, going after the bovine market only makes sense.

Our first clue to Apple's new plan was iOS 7. Apple made it flat. "Who cares," said many tech journalists, but to a cow this is a really big deal. The previous iterations made it hard for us to see because cows have very poor depth perception. Farmers have to build their facilities around that fact so that we can make our way our easier. The new flat design of iOS was designed just for cows.

We then found out that Siri was getting new languages. Yes, that's right, Siri has been demonstrated to speak French, and we also believe that Siri will be able to hear and speak Moo. Obviously it is hard to manipulate a smartphone with hooves like ours, and that is why voice recognition is so important.

Last, and most important, I would like to present you with the newest leaked iPhone 5C photo as evidence the 5C is for cows.

iPhone 5C The iPhone for Cows

What practical things can we do with our new iPhone? Too bad The Farmer's milk co-op doesn't have an app yet, but we can log on to the website often now and check our milk quality. One thing we're really looking forward to is having the weather radar map at our hooftips. Looks like it might rain, girls, so lets walk on into the barn before it gets here. We're also thinking we could use one of those cool trackable Tiles to put on The Farmer so we know where he is at all times. And I totally promise I will not abuse it and become a complete social media cow and post every time I chew my cud.

Dairy Cow In Line For The iPhone

If you see any cows standing in line outside the Apple Store in the mall you'll know why we're there. I'm also pretty sure The Farmer is looking forward to getting his hands on an iPhone, too. 

Agent 467, reporting from the Udder Side.