Get Smart By Eating Dairy Products

Agent 468 had been watching The Farmer work on his computer when she saw him suddenly leap up, pour a tall glass of milk, and drink it down.  She then accessed his computer remotely to see what he was reading.  A Daily Dose of Dairy Boosts Mental Performance was the headline of the article by the University of Maine and the University of South Australia.  Here's the most important line in the study:

"Consuming dairy products such as milk, cheese and yogurt at least once a day was associated with greater performance in mental functions including verbal memory, visual-spatial memory, organisation and abstract reasoning, compared with those who consumed dairy less frequently."

I can paraphrase the study by saying it simply says eating dairy products may make you smarter.  This isn't exactly news to us.  I'd like to say this is another way we share our superior bovine technology with people.

You don't have to be a secret agent cow to realize how important this study is to the world.  In order to spread this news and help dumb  not-so-smart people everywhere, I asked agent 228 to create an animated video.  The first version was in "moo" and the one below has been translated into English.



Agent 463 wrote a virus, cowpie.exe, and installed it on The Farmer's computer. It will begin sending the video out to everyone in his email address book and replicating itself on the recipient's computer.

I hope our work here will improve the lives of people everywhere.  I can imagine dairy products like chocolate milk will be offered without question at schools now. Eating ice cream might become mandatory before taking ACT and SAT tests.  I also see a well deserved promotion in my future.

Agent 101, reporting from the Udder Side.