Cows Review Farmer's Book No Signal

No Signal

2 1/2 Moo's out of 5

So The Farmer finally published his rural detective book, No Signal, and we took it upon ourselves to review it. The plot is about a dairy farmer that ends up dead and the private investigator that takes the case. Doesn't sound like he had to work real hard to come up with that idea, right? Anyway the case revolves around the question of was it an accidental death or was it.. dum dum dum: murder! Hey, it is a detective/mystery story, what do you expect?

Was it any good? Did I personally like it? As his first short story, or maybe novella considering the length, I'd say it kept my interest. I like farms, I like the country life, and it had both of these. But did it have enough cows? Dairy cows? I really felt shortchanged by the fact that no dairy cow was in a leading role. Seriously, this is 2013 and you think even The Farmer would recognize that we live in a brave new world. A world with dairy cows in serious roles! Maybe in his next book.....

Want to read it? Go to Amazon and have it instantly. Cheapskates can go to Smashwords for a free download for practically any ereader device.

Agent 101, reporting from the Udder Side.

Rain and Writing

Well, last week was a wet one.

While it didn't rain everyday, it sure did feel like it. What is problematic is that with the cold weather and rain we have not seen much growth in grass in the pastures, or in the wheat and rye The Farmer has planted.

Wheat and rye have looked like this all winter

Yesterday's temperature has started to really turn that around. The Farmer's hoping with the warm weather predicted for this week he'll see lots of good growth in his fields. And we're hoping for the same, too! We want some fresh food, please!

But what does The Farmer do when it rains all the time? Evidently he writes. You should see him hunting and pecking at the computer! We've found some kind of rural detective story that he's been working on. Here's an excerpt labeled No Signal (First Draft):

....A spare sat safely in the trunk with no worry of me getting it out because the jack handle was currently being held as Exhibit B by the district attorney. A jack handle can be a good defensive weapon when your clip is empty, but it also makes a strong case for assault and battery. Hopefully not strong enough in this case, especially when the accuser’s rap sheet is as long as a poor kid’s letter to Santa. It takes brains and brawn to be a p.i. and so far I've had just enough of both to get by on...

Agent 101, reporting from the Udder Side.

Heifers Strolling Before Sundown

Sundown you better take care 

If The Farmer finds you creeping in the wrong pasture

Sometimes I think it's a sin

When I'm jumpin' the fence to eat greener grass again

Of course, how can any cow blame us? The warm weather we had a weekend ago, coupled with some rain has started to get some new growth on The Farmer's hay fields. Not a lot, but even his wheat and rye fields look a little better. Maybe I have sampled them, too, but you didn't hear that from me!

Didn't you get the memo? Spring is here! So, maybe it isn't real warm today, but I, we, have to admit the grass over there did look tasty! In fact it was.

And if The Farmer was not happy we went out for a little stroll, so be it. We followed him like lemurs off the cliff when he came and shook a bucket of grain and emptied it into the feed trough. Now, everyone should be happy. Besides, I still know where the hole in the fence is!

Agent 2563, reporting from the Udder Side.

Shadows in the Dark: A Dairy Mystery

I was pretty excited to hear that Dairy Dave had written a new book of short stories. I have not been able to pull myself away from these! This detective one is my current favorite. Shhh...don't tell anyone I copied and pasted it!

Agent 441, reporting from the Udder Side.

Shadows in the Dark 

Dairy Dave

The telephone's ring ringing sounded like cymbals smashing the two halves of my brain together. I had fallen asleep again at the desk with my feet kicked up and wrinkling notes from a few unsolved cases. I pushed an empty glass out of the way to check the time and the l.e.d. display was as red as my bloodshot eyes. Four in the morning. Who calls at four in the morning other than a crazy dairy farmer?