Dairy Farming Should Be #1

Boring, boring, boring day on the farm. Nothing to do but wait and wait around. After the evening milking I finally sat down at the computer to work on some past due reports. And do a little web surfing, of course. For research purposes only, right?

Then I came across a list of jobs from best to worst and dairy farming was listed at darn near the bottom according to some crazy people. As if working with me would be horrible? I'm a likable cow. I make milk. Lots of milk. What else would you rather be doing than hanging out with me?

I think this list must be backwards. Software engineer is first, followed by actuary and human resources manager. Can you explain what they do without googling them like I did? Hopefully everyone knows that dairy farmers supply milk and ice cream and cheese and... well you get the picture.

So I emailed this to The Farmer, anonymously of course, to see what he would do. From our secret spy cam in his office I watched him create the rebuttal that follows this report.

Agent 219, reporting from the Udder Side.

Ordering From The Hay Barn

We had all noticed that The Farmer was beginning to get a little low on hay. It has not yet been warm enough to bale some here on the farm so we decided to help him look for some hay to purchase. We quickly found The Hay Barn and their fantastic menu.

The Hay Barn

The problems came after that, however. Arguments over which type we should get ensued. What goes best with corn silage? Square bales or round bales? Large bales or small bales? What about nutrient and moisture content of the hay? Taste, taste, taste, and flavor. What were we to do?

As it turns out none of this really mattered. The Farmer had already purchased some from another hay dealer. Was it some of the fancy hay we were looking at? No, but the bottom line was that the hay was tasty. I'm pretty sure that's all that counts for most us. Especially me.

Agent 234, reporting from the Udder Side.

April Fool's Calf

My boss, Agent 101, is a lot like Hannibal from the A-Team in that they both "love it when a plan comes together." You can probably tell from the photo that this is where my plan fell apart.

It all started with a dare, but isn't that the way trouble sometimes starts? Some of us junior agents were daring each other to do something to The Farmer for April Fool's Day. One dared us to get out of our stall and run around in the hallway of the calf barn. I said I'd do one better than that. I said I'd go up the stairs to the hay loft and hide. Then when The Farmer came in and realized I was gone I'd "moo" from up there and scare him half to death.

I had used my secret spy issued skeleton key to escape my stall and almost started up the stairs when it happened. When he happened. When The Farmer walked in. He turned his head sideways, confused, and escorted me back to my stall. The laugh from the other calves was on me and I was the April Fool.

Agent 2423, reporting from the Udder Side.