Monday, February 27, 2012

Milk Loving UFO Spotted Over Dairy Farm?

I had been staring at the sky looking for chem trails when I heard it coming. I quickly pulled out my video camera, but it was already passing me by and I was only able to catch a glimpse. What was it I recorded? I think it was obviously a U.F.O.

Now I have been wrong before about things like this. The whole crop circles thing comes to mind very quickly. But this is different. Aliens from outer space are hovering over the farm watching us for one purpose, I believe, to claim their own milk supply.

Now why would extraterrestrials want cows for their own? The awesomeness of milk must be known throughout the galaxy for them to have come. And I'm not just talking about chocolate milk, either. I don't like to brag, but we cows produce a super food to say the least. Our milk can build healthy bones, boost the immune system, lower blood pressure, reduce the risk of diabetes and some cancers, help with weight management, and is a great source of protein.  Why would they be coming for anything else?

I'm volunteering right now to start the first herd of cows to produce milk for an alien civilization. Beam me up!

Agent 167, reporting from the Udder Side.

Monday, February 20, 2012

Three Cheers For Molly the Milk Leader

While writing reports about things going on here on the farm we often listen to the radio to help the time go by faster. Lately we've been hearing several commercials from one of milk's newest spokespersons, Molly the milk leader.

Molly has been all over the radio, YoutubeFacebook, and even her own website. Several of the agents were so excited they decided they could come up with some new cheers about milk and dairy products for Molly.

What do you need most everyday
That strenghtens your bones in every way?
Dairy, yes dairy!
Ice cream, cheese, and milk, too.
Dairy, yes dairy!
Go dairy!

3 a day
3 a day
Have it your way!
Milk, yogurt, cheese,
Ice cream's a treat
If you please!

If you're exercising hard 
Or running the track
Chocolate milk can 
Replenish you fast
Go milk! 
Go milk!

There may be a reason why some cows were not cut out to be cheerleaders.

Agent 449, reporting from the Udder Side

Sunday, February 12, 2012

Be Mine: A Bovine Valentine

Several of the agents have noticed The Farmer has really been off his game lately. He just seemed a little out of step, but we couldn't figure out why. Then yesterday he had a moment of epiphany, or as we would say a "holy cow!" moment. That was when we saw him look at the farm calendar and exclaim, "Tuesday is Valentine's Day?"

It didn't take a trained bovine secret agent to figure out that he had probably not gotten his wife anything for the most romantic holiday of the year. Doghouse for sure if he doesn't get it together soon. Unfortunately for him we are not able to give him any help on this one. However, if we were, these are some of the Valentine's Day surprises we would suggest.

  • Heart shaped hay bales. Need I say more.
  • Chocolate covered anything. My recommendation would be chocolate covered corn kernals. Yum!
  • Bling for the eartags. I would love something shiny to showoff and I'm sure his wife would, too.
  • A nice hoof trim or, perhaps, a pedicure in this case. 
  • Compose a poem: 

Though the mountains may fall
And the flowers may wilt
We will always be together
Like chocolate and milk.

  • Take her to the cozy coffee shop downtown and drink iced milk lattes while holding hooves (hands, whatever) at a table for two in the corner.
  • Show her the love and attention she deserves. When a cow is shown this she will be happy, content, and productive. If The Farmer treats her as he does us then I am sure everything will be okay.

Agent 101, reporting from the Udder Side.

Monday, February 6, 2012

Super Tired After Super Bowl

Everyone was excited when the evening milking was over. The Farmer cleaned up the barn and headed to his house while we pretended there was nothing unusual going on. As if! Soon as he was out of sight we began our Super Bowl party!

The food had to be the best part of it all. We had alfalfa salad with a light molasses dressing, honey roasted cracked corn, and a wheat and corn silage casserole. Delicious! There was none left by half time let me tell you.

We watched the game on the back side of the hay barn using a projector we rented. It is not super if it isn't super big is what I say.  We laughed at the commercials and argued over the game as usual.

Of course everything is fun and games until your alarm goes off for the morning milking. We shouldn't have stayed up to watch the Voice and whatever came after that. We've all got sleep in our eyes and I heard The Farmer say this morning that he was going to give us extra attention today to make sure we're all okay. Hey man, we just need to sleep, alright?

Agent 220, reporting from The Udder Side.